IMPOSSIBLE ADOLESCENCE

This past month many parents had an opportunity to celebrate high school graduation. Sitting in a local coffee shop I was listening to parents describe their trial and tribulations related to raising their child through adolescence. These parents shared stories which highlighted their challenges to establish the appropriate balance between adolescent autonomy and monitoring school work, peer relationships and activities. Many parents verbalized that at times over the past four years they didn’t know if their child would successfully complete high school. There were other parents who spoke with amazement about how things were not really as bad as they feared. One woman stated that she had this notion that all adolescents were angry, disrespectful and rebellious and she feared losing her daughter when she turned thirteen.

A significant part of parents’ anxiety about raising adolescents comes from cultural stereotypes portrayed in the media: these difficult, oppositional and irritable creatures that possess our children during the teenage years and totally disrupt the home and threaten our communities.Although some of these perceptions are built upon misinformation, like all myth some parts of the story are true.

With the exception of infancy and toddlerhood, where functional capabilities are just emerging, no developmental time period presents such dramatic changes in physical, emotional, cognitive and social capabilities as adolescence. Adolescents are going through a major neurological remodeling in the number of connections and new insulation in the wiring of their brain. By the end of adolescence their brain will be more efficient and effective in integrating and processing a wider variety of information simultaneously (like all remodeling projects, sometimes things get disorganized before they get reorganized). However, it is also important to be aware that research indicates only about 25% of parents and teenagers report having major problems during this period. In addition, 80% of these families reported that their teenager had problems that first presented during childhood. Only about 5% of adolescents who had positive relationships during childhood will exhibit serious problems during adolescence (Rutter, Grahm, Chadwick and Yule, 1976).

New conceptual models are emerging that suggest that, yes, adolescents will struggle with issues of autonomy but that their healthy transformation occurs within the context of a warm, ongoing  emotional relationship with involved parents. The adolescent requires the same commitment from a caregiver that the healthy two year old needs: a balance of support and encouragement to explore and discover their environment and a present, attentive, attuned, nurturing, responsive parent to ensure a safe environment, an age-appropriate level of structure and limits when necessary.

Autonomy, which can be defined as the extent of parental control on the adolescent, is a major area of change during the adolescent period. Steinberg and Silk, 2002, in a chapter on “Parenting Adolescents” distinguish psychological autonomy, the ability to express opinion, feelings and thoughts, from behavioral autonomy, the amount of supervision and monitoring of behavior. Often times the adolescent and the parent struggle separating these issues related to autonomy. The young adolescent expectations are that they should be totally autonomous and they push for increased independence. In reaction, the parent may provide too much or too little autonomy. Research suggests that adolescents benefit from decreased psychological control while maintaining and slowly adjusting behavioral control.

It is also important to remember that the adolescent is not the only one going through a developmental transition. For many parents who watch their adolescent develop physically, cognitively, and sexually, concerns about their own developmental competencies begin to emerge. For the adolescent, who seeks excitement, adventures, romance and whose future is wide open, the parent begins to reflect on their own physical decline and awareness that time is limited to achieve career goals or make changes. This, combined with the task many parents have of taking care of their own aging parents, creates an additional challenge and stress on themselves and their relationships. For some parents, they mange this developmental crisis by competing for control with their adolescent or they may attempt to become peers and try and fit in with the adolescents. Both of these strategies are an attempt to avoid issues the adolescent is perturbing in the psyche of the parent. These strategies may decrease internal distress in the short term but ultimately increase family tension and dysfunction.

The good news is adolescence does not have to be such a terrible experience for everyone. However, like all transitions you have to expect to experience disruption from the equilibrium the family developed during childhood so you can establish a new sense of balance in your relationship with your bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter adolescent. Never forget that even though the adolescent acts like they don’t need you, you are just as important to them as you have been throughout their lives.

DISCLOSURE: Why Won’t They Tell?

by Dr. Jerry Yager, PsyD

Director of Education & Training

Denver Children’s Advocacy Center

At six years old, Allyson was sexually abused by her cousin.  The perpetrator told her that she was being punished for being bad.  In seventh grade Allyson was caught having oral sex with her male friend. She was disciplined and made to come into treatment. While in therapy she disclosed that she had been abused as a little girl. The therapist had to inform the mother and the Department of Human Services. The first question the mother asked is, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

So many children who have been sexually abused don’t tell anyone and hold the “secret” in for many years.  As parents we would like to believe that if our child was being hurt they would tell someone immediately. Many children will not tell and even make up lies to hide the truth about their abuse for the following reasons:

• Communication:  They have not yet developed the language skills necessary to communicate the experience
• Trust:  They are afraid no one will believe them because that is what the perpetrator told them.
• Protection:  They are protecting someone they love, a parent or relative.
• Shame:  They feel ashamed and believe it was their fault
• Consequences:  They are afraid of the consequence for leaking the truth to themselves and their family.
• Fear:  The perpetrator threatened to hurt someone they love if they tell
• Avoidance:  They just want to forget and avoid any feelings or thoughts connected to the incident.
• Familiarity:  Sadly, they might not even identify what happen to them as abuse.

Unfortunately, the impact of holding this “secret” is as detrimental to the child’s developing sense of identity and social relationships as the actual traumatic event. The inability to share the experience fosters destructive cognitive distortions, creates distance in social relationships, damages the developing sense of self, creates anxiety about being exposed and changes the trajectory of a child’s overall development.

Giving children vaccinations doesn’t guarantee that children will not get sick, but it does decrease the risk and severity of the illness if they do get sick. As parents we can inoculate our children against the long term consequences of abuse. The belief that children know how to and are capable of protecting themselves is a recipe for disaster. The most important prevention is the presence of attentive, attuned, nurturing adults, along with the mindset that adults are responsible for providing protection to children.  As caring adults we must be attuned to a child’s verbal AND non-verbal communication when determining their sense of security and safety.

Here are some preventative suggestions on how to increase your child’s ability to effectively communicate their needs to adults:

• Educate your child about their own bodies, using the correct terminology, including the concept of “private parts”.
• Talk about the difference between “safe touch” and “unsafe touch” in language they understand.
• Explain to your child that the only persons who can touch him/her on their private parts are the parents and the doctors to keep them clean and healthy. No one else should be touching them on their private parts. This is an important safety rule.
• Teach your child to use their voice to say “no” when people are violating their boundaries, runaway and to tell an adult.
• If a child expresses their discomfort being hugged or kissed, even by relatives, respect them and validate that they have the right to say “no.”
• If your child does attempt to communicate that something has happened to make him or her feel uncomfortable, first manage your own reactions and then validate the child’s experience. Your goal is to create a safe relational connection that allows the child to share more of their experience.

 The message to our children must be:

“We are not afraid to talk about it and we want you to feel comfortable talking about it if you need to!”

The Denver Children's Advocacy Center (DCAC) has successfully implemented a bilingual, research-based prevention of child sexual abuse program since 2005 entitled Denver Safe from the Start.

DCAC’s “Denver Safe from the Start” program is based on the premise that sexual abuse is 100 % preventable if those responsible for the care of young children have the necessary knowledge and skills at their disposal.  This program works simultaneously on three levels to increase the safety of children:

• By teaching educators how to identify those children who appear to be at risk for sexual abuse and then how to take the appropriate action
• By teaching parents and adults involved in the child's life  to recognize the signs of the potential for abuse (or actual abuse) and how to take appropriate action
• By teaching young children (3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds) basic self-protective skills.

Denver Safe from the Start impacts a high number of children, families/caregivers and teachers in our community every year. In 2008, we served 351 children, 85 parents and 10 teachers. In 2009, we provided services to 338 children, 102 parents and 12 teachers. 2010 was a very successful year for our Denver Safe from the Start program as DCAC received funding from the Office of Justice and Juvenile Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) which allowed us to reach 897 children, 164 parents and 53 children.

If you'd like to obtain more information about Denver Safe from the Start, please contact Angela Davidson, Director of Prevention and Education Program at Angela.Davidson @denvercac.org or call 303-825-3850

OBESITY: A Threat to our Children’s Brain

Picture a group of Teenagers sitting in front of a computer or a video game snacking on chips and drinking soda.  While their brains are engaged in this highly visually stimulating activity their bodies are not burning sufficient calories to maintain their weight.  Soon their waist lines are expanding and their health is deteriorating.  Now, think of the young girl who allows herself to gain a large amount of weight to protect herself from men, as a reaction to her abuse.   Today, obesity among our youth is a major health problem.  The National Center for Chronic Disease and Health Prevention reports that obesity has more than tripled over the past 30 years.  The prevalence of obesity among children age’s 6-11years old increased from 6.5% in 1980 to 19.6% in 2008.  The prevalence of obesity for adolescents during that same period increased from 5.0% to 18.1%.  Decreased activity levels has been associated with decreased long term memory, reasoning, abstract thought, problem solving, attention, visual spatial abilities and reaction speed.  The question of how decreased exercise correlates with decreased cognitive functioning has been of interest to researchers the past several years.

John J.  Ratey, M.D.  , in his book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, highlights the connection between exercise and brain functioning related to learning.  Darwin described learning as a survival mechanism that allows us to adapt to a changing environment.   Our brains are made up of 100 billion neurons each with connections to hundreds of other neurons.  These neurons form networks that allow energy and information to flow.  It is this flow of energy and information that generates the functions of the human body.  The connections between neurons are called a synapse.   The neurons don’t actually touch but a narrow space or “gap” is established to allow chemicals to move from the end of one neuron to another.   To understand how the brain perceives, processes, encodes, stores, retrieves and acts upon environmental signals we have to understand how information is communicated within the brain. 

Sensory stimulation activates sensors in the body (eyes, ears, nose, and skin).   These sensors convert  stimuli into patterned electrical signals.  The electrical signals move down the cells outgoing structure called an axon.  The electrical signal reaches the end of this branch called the pre-synapse.  The pre-synapse is where neurotransmitters are stored.   The neurotransmitters will facilitate the transmission of the message across this gap to the receiving branches, dendrites, of the next neurons in the network.    The chemical messengers plug into receptors on the post-synapse and change the chemical balance and generates an electrical charge.  If the charge is large enough it triggers a signal in the next neuron and information is passed on. 

Learning requires a modification of the connection between neurons.  Eric Kandel, a Nobel prize winner for his work in neuroscience, discovered that repeated activation of a neural connection actually causes the synapses to swell and to become stronger.  This allows this network to fire more easily and results in long term memories.  The neurons ability to change in response to environmental stimuli is called “plasticity”.  This is how our life experiences actually get wired into our brain. 

In the 1990’s neuroscientist began to discover a group of proteins that didn’t transmit information but are used to build and maintain the health of the cells in a network.  This group of proteins (called “factors”) improves the efficiency of neurons, encourages their growth and protects them against deterioration.  Exercise increases the production of these chemical proteins and their ability to cross over a barrier into the brain to facilitate more efficient and effective information flow.  Exercise has been connected to improve functioning in the hippocampus, facilitating long term memory storage.  In addition, exercise influences the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, which mediates working memory, body and emotional regulation, response flexibility, empathy, fear regulation, and problem solving.   All of these functions are beneficial in helping individuals negotiate the complex social environment we currently must adapt to for our survival. 

A child or adolescent’s lack of physical exercise is not only results in weight gain but also deprives him or her of important biochemical processes necessary for social, academic and healthy functioning.  Parents and schools need to encourage aerobic exercise programs at least 30 minutes twice to three times per week.  Sensorimotor activities should be integrated into the classroom structures for those children that seem to require movement to improve attention and concentration.  These physical focused programs are even more important to children and adolescents who have suffered exposure to chronic stress related to abuse, neglect, and exposure to violence and are suffering from mental illness.  For some children, physical exercise is enrichment because they are involved in many extracurricular activities after school.  Many children are not willing or capable of participating in these activities.  The statistics are telling us all that our children are at greater risk and these programs are a necessity.  During these economically challenging times let us all think twice before we cut programs that will hurt our children and cost us much more in the long run. 

ADOLESCENCE: The Transition

Adolescence can be defined as a transitional period between childhood and adulthood. It is a stage of life that is bracketed on one end by puberty, a physiological process, and on the other end by the ability of an individual to assume social responsibilities assigned to adults in the society. It is during this period of time that a youth separates from the dependence on the family and begin to explore the world at large. In order to function independently the individual has to develop certain skills that allow them to reflect, conceptualize and strategize alternative solutions before engaging in action. The individual has to demonstrate the ability to work toward future goals, following a sequence of steps and delaying immediate rewards for longer term gains. All of these functions are mediated by the brain region that is under construction during adolescence known as the prefrontal cortex.

The second decade of life is a time of enormous change in brain architecture but these changes are just the product of processes that began in utero and early in life.  The brain is going through a major upgrade where processes are becoming more effective and efficient during adolescence. Early in life, these same functions are just emerging from genetically–driven and environmentally modified neuronal structures.

There are many people who exaggerate the changes taking place in the adolescent brain while others attempt to minimize the impact of these events. The facts are clear, however, that the adolescent brain is different from and eight year old and different from an adult’s brain.  During adolescence, there is an elimination of nearly 40% of the synaptic connections that were over produced earlier in life. The majority of these connections are excitatory in nature. The percentage of inhibitory neurons is greater in adults than children and adolescents. (A.L Spenssort, K.J. Plessen, and B.S. Peterson, 2004)

Although we are still researching the causes for this significant reduction, the best hypothesis is that it occurs from a combination of genetics and experience dependent processes; the concept of “use it or lose it” where neurons that are activated with enough frequency become stronger and those that are not used get reabsorbed.

The adolescent’s reward system is also being modified. An increase in receptors and the phaseal release of the neurotransmitter, dopamine, has been related to increase sensation seeking and a focus on short term rewards at the expense of longer term gains (Steinberg, 2009). For most teenagers this change in the reward system stabilizes in early adolescence while self regulation skills do not mature until late adolescence. This means that younger adolescents are being driven toward high risk situations with an immature internal control system. No wonder middle school presents such a challenge to teachers and parents.

One of the most significant changes taking place in the brain of the adolescent is the wiring being insulated within the prefrontal cortex, between the cortical regions and in sub-cortical regions. This allows information and energy to flow 1oo times faster. The supportive glial cells are forming a fatty sheath around the axons of the neurons in a process called myelination. The speed of information flow allows adults to integrate past associations, analyze current information, and make better decisions. It isn’t that adolescents cannot problem solve, it just that they have difficulty processing information on multiple levels simultaneously (Giedd, 2004).

In our society, one of the things that makes adolescence so unique is that this is a time when we begin to pay the price for not providing the appropriate level of social scaffolding to adequately support a child’s development. The best time to insulate adolescents from the threats present in their environment such as drugs, crime, unprotected sex and major accidents, is not at age twelve but at conception. The parts of the brain that regulate resource allocation are not in the cortex but in the brain stem. The brain stem is being organized in the last trimester of gestation. Relational templates are being organized during the first three years of life. When children learn that adults are both a source of protection and rewards they demonstrate the capacity to use these relational connections as scaffolding.

Scaffolding is the supports that are put in place to reinforce a structure that is not fully capable of supporting itself. The scaffold remains in place until the structural remodeling is complete. Adolescents need adults to stay connected, attentive and attuned to both their needs for engagement and for disengagement, just as the caregiver does for a newborn. Development always takes place within a relational context.

Tips for parents:

1)      Parents should talk with their teenager, even when they roll their eyes.  If your child is expressing perceptions of life that are not consistent with your own, remember to celebrate the fact they are talking with you. If you can keep them talking you have a better chance of helping them think through their decisions.

2)      Engage teachers, coaches and other interested adults as partners.  Believe it or not it does take a clan to raise a child.   

3)      Adolescents need structures that are consistent but not rigid.  Don’t maintain a rigid structure that eliminates opportunities for the adolescent to practice problem solving and negotiating skills.

4)      Place them in social and academic situations that challenge them but also create a high likelihood for success. You can adjust the structure to increase successful outcomes without lowering you expectations of their efforts. They are much more likely to be motivated to work hard if they believe they have a chance to be successful.     

5)      Set limits on the adolescent’s behavior but not on them as individuals. Remember, their identity is being formed and they are vulnerable to confusing negative feedback as a reflection of their identity rather than their decisions.

6)      Encourage and support engagement in structure activities (athletics, clubs, music, dance). Think carefully before using these activities as consequences for the adolescent’s actions.

7)      Above all make sure to tell them how much they are loved! 

Bibliography

A.L Spenssort, K.J. Plessen, and B.S. Peterson. (2004). Neuroimaging Of Developmental Psychopathology: The Importance of Self-Regulation and Neuroplastic Processes in Adolescence. In R. E. Dahl, & L. Patia-Spear, Adolescent Brain Development (pp. 86-87). New York: New York Academy of Science.

Giedd, J. N. (2004). Structural Magnetic Resonance Imaging of the Adolescent Brain. In R. E. Dalh, & L. Patia-Spear, Adolescent Brain Development:Vulnerabilities and Opportunities (pp. 77-104). New York: New York Academy of Science.

Steinberg, L. (2009). Should the Science of Adolescent Brain Development Inform Public Policy? Retrieved 10 2011, from psycnet.apa.org: http://psycnet.apa.org/journal/amp/64/8/739.html

Self-Control & Delayed Gratification Lead to Long-Term Success

While surfing the internet I came upon an article by Maia Szalavitz, “The Key To Health, Wealth and Success: Self-Control."  In the article she reports on the outcome of a study that follows 1,000 children from birth to age 32 years old. Children who exhibited early self regulatory skills were less likely to develop substance abuse problems or be involved with crime as adults. These children turned out to be healthier and more successful financially.

The findings were consistent with previous research conducted by Walter Mischel, a Stanford professor, which showed that children with low ability to delay gratification were more likely to exhibit behavioral problems at home and school.  Their lack of self control at age four resulted in consistent difficulty managing stressful situations and less effective problem solving abilities. There turned out to be a 210 point difference on High School S.A. T. scores between children with low delay and high delay ability.

Delay of gratification requires the child to tolerate internal distress and use higher cortical functions to regulate and modulate impulsive responses. These capabilities are developed slowly, within the context of early interpersonal relations with an attentive, attuned and responsive caregiver. When a caregiver is able to accurately read the cues of the infant, form a hypothesis about the infants needs and then respond accurately, the infant’s arousal system is quieted.  After thousands of these attuned interactions, the infant’s neurobiology is modified to reflect these regulatory interactions. The child learns to read his or her own internal signals, tolerate the internal distress generated by his orher unmet needs, and then develops strategies that result in personal satisfaction. These children have developed an internal template of the world that it is a positive place where they are eventually capable of having their needs met.  With this positive internal representation of themselves, of others and  of the world,  they are able to identify their needs, establish long term plans and then work toward achieving their desired outcomes. These children are able to establish and maintain relationships and engage others' support when needed.

The capacity for self-control remains undeveloped for the child who grows up in a chaotic, unsafe, unresponsive relational environment.   As the infant's internal needs are stimulated, their arousal system is activated.  Without the assistance of a responsive caregiver, the infant's coping capacity is overwhelmed. These children are forced to rely on alternative self soothing strategies because they are unable to meet their needs independently.  Their template of the world is that it is  a scary, unsafe, and unpredictable place that cannot be trusted. If there is something they need they should take it because it might not be available later. Focused on short term survival strategies, they are unable to allocate resources toward longer term achievements. Later in life these children are at greater risk of turning to drugs, alcohol, food and sex to satisfy their early unmet needs. Their engagement in these high risk coping strategies exposes them to negative social experiences and the risk for involvement in crimes. Once you are on the wrong track, the destinations you pass are different and very dangerous.

Science is beginning to demonstrate that early childhood relational interactions creates genetic markers that increase or decrease the expression of our genetic codes. These epigenetic influences increase tolerance or sensitivity to stress and our ability to inhibit, organize and modulate reflexive behavioral responses. Even though both groups of children may possess equal genetic potential, some get exposed to the experiences that allow them to express their potential. The question is whether you can change the trajectory of these children's lives once they have been set on course. The answer to that question is YES.

If children are placed in healthy relational environments that provide them with the opportunity to associate with attentive, attuned adults who respond to the child in a developmentally appropriate manner, self-control can be improved. If we can educate new parents and caregivers about the need to actively attend to infants we can increase the probability for a healthy start. When we identify a child in a daycare or pre-school, we shouldn’t wait until they experience multiple failures before intervening. An intervention may include educating the providers about developmental activities and strategies that can be used to activate the brain regions necessary to develop self regulation. The longer we wait,  the intensity, frequency and duration of therapeutic interventions increase, along with the costs.

TEEN PREGNANCY: Truth and Consequence

Human development always takes place within the context of a relational environment.  These relationships serve to support us or hinder us as we transition from one developmental level to the next.   As I wrote in my last blog, development can be conceptualized as a system moving from a state of organization, to disorganization and then reorganization.  For women, pregnancy presents some incredible growth opportunities but also some very real challenges.  When the new mother is a teenager, the risks are significantly greater.  The United States ranks number one amongst western industrialized nations in the number of teenage births.   The statistic reports that for every 1000 girls between the ages of 15-20, 42.5 will become teenage mothers.   Children of the adolescent mothers often display developmental and behavioral problems and are more likely to go on to become teenage mothers themselves.

Adolescence is a time when it is developmentally expected that the individual will demonstrate increased self-centeredness, mood instability, risk-taking and a focus on short term rewards without weighing out of all the consequences of one’s actions.  These developmental changes are in contrast to the sacrifices and commitments required of parents.  Some lifestyle choices such as eating habits, smoking, drinking and sexual relations must change in order to protect the developing fetus.   

Babies born to mothers who smoke during pregnancy are at increased risk for premature births, low birth weights, pregnancy complications, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).  Teenagers are less likely to get early and regular prenatal care.  A teen mother is at greater risk for high blood pressure, anemia and the presence of a sexually transmitted infection.  These delays in medical attention place both the mother and developing child at significantly greater risk for complications. 

A premature baby’s lack of developmental maturity can result in under-developed organs.  The brain of the infant is faced with more challenges than when the child is in utero.  In the womb, no food is ingested directly into the stomach but is processed through the mother’s digestive system.   The fetus does not have to breathe on their own because the mother’s body takes care of that function.  In the womb, the fetus can see and hear but cannot yet regulate sensory input in the same way a full term infant is capable of processing.  The premature infant is extremely dependent upon their caretaker to regulate their physiology.  Their immature, internal systems can be flooded and overwhelmed.  Because the brain of an infant is being organized by the patterned and repetitive sensory experiences, they are vulnerable to chronic stress.   This stress can alter the sensitivity of the infant’s alarm system, leading to long-term mental, medical and social issues.   

So we have a high risk situation where a developmentally immature mother is caring for a developmentally immature infant.  Further complicating this scenario is the high incidence of family and community poverty, single parenthood, high rate of limited education and disrupted extended family relations.  When the mother and infant need the most support, they are often left alone and vulnerable. 

Many teenage mothers, with the support of their family, are able to negotiate all of these obstacles and are incredible success stories.  Yet many the hurdles are way too high and their resources are way too low.   Seventy-five percent of all unmarried teen mothers will depend upon welfare within 5 years of the birth of their first child (marchofdimes.com/medical resources).

Early and regular prenatal care and supportive services can make an enormous difference in the lives of these teen mothers and children.  Education regarding proper nutrition, stress management, and the benefits of continuing their education within the context of a supportive relational environment can scaffold the developing teen mother and her new born through this important transitional period.   Supporting teen mothers can result in an early return on our relational investments.

Our Children Are Watching

Survival of any biological system requires the establishment of homeostatic equilibrium and the flexibility to change in response to environmental challenges. 

This tension between maintaining stability and adapting to change is the canvass on which development is painted.  Development is a process of perturbing a system enough so that a new homeostatic set point (or “comfort zone”) is established.  Development can be conceptualized as a system moving from a state of organization, to disorganization and then reorganization.  It is not a continuous  upward progression but of peaks and valleys.  In the weeks prior to a toddler beginning to walk they may have difficulty sleeping through the night.  These developmental transitions are pivotal points that present children and their family members with both     opportunities and challenges.

However, if the mother’s attachment templates are associated with inconsistency, unpredictability, abandonment and threat then the thoughts of the infant trigger anxiety and distress.  To cope with this stress, some mothers may recapitulate her early experience and distance herself from her infant.  These mothers may not experience the same level of pleasure and struggle to meet the anticipated demands of their new role.  The mother might interpret the movement within her body as irritating, demanding, already overwhelmed and anticipate the worst after birth.  She may begin to question her own capacity to care for the infant but not see others as a resource.  Some mothers think that the baby will provide them the love they never felt earlier in their lives.  In these situations the mother knows the fetus is a part of her but she struggles to hold on to their separateness. 

After birth the mother can experience a sense of loss, depression or an overall sense of being overwhelmed.   A mother with a history of unhealthy attachments may not exhibit the same biological drive to be present and attuned to her newborn.  She does not derive a sense of pleasure when interacting with the infant.  This lack of pleasure or stress is communicated nonverbally to the infant through facial expressions and tactile interactions.  The infant’s own pleasure centers are not activated and his/her stress responses are not soothed.  Associations to other humans are weak and unsatisfying.  In an attempt to survive, experiences their mother can tolerate are ruled in and actions that cause her to withdraw are ruled out.  These rules are the framework for relational templates that guide future social interactions.

If an infant has access to other caregivers (fathers, relatives, and community members), they can form more positive, rewarding associations that allow them to compensate for the unresponsive maternal figure.   In today’s society, however, many parents are separated from their families of origin and isolated from community resources.   It is only after a child has been abused or severely neglected that the larger community gets involved.  

 There is no greater investment a society can make than to invest in the well being of its children.  In order to protect children, we must first protect the women in our society.  By creating opportunities for women to express their genetic potential, protecting them from abuse, providing access to quality health care and creating a supportive community, we develop the foundation for growth facilitative environments for our children.  Dr Bruce Perry says “The best time to help a child is 100 years before they are born”.   We cannot afford to wait.  Our children are  watching.