Our Children Are Watching

Survival of any biological system requires the establishment of homeostatic equilibrium and the flexibility to change in response to environmental challenges. 

This tension between maintaining stability and adapting to change is the canvass on which development is painted.  Development is a process of perturbing a system enough so that a new homeostatic set point (or “comfort zone”) is established.  Development can be conceptualized as a system moving from a state of organization, to disorganization and then reorganization.  It is not a continuous  upward progression but of peaks and valleys.  In the weeks prior to a toddler beginning to walk they may have difficulty sleeping through the night.  These developmental transitions are pivotal points that present children and their family members with both     opportunities and challenges.

However, if the mother’s attachment templates are associated with inconsistency, unpredictability, abandonment and threat then the thoughts of the infant trigger anxiety and distress.  To cope with this stress, some mothers may recapitulate her early experience and distance herself from her infant.  These mothers may not experience the same level of pleasure and struggle to meet the anticipated demands of their new role.  The mother might interpret the movement within her body as irritating, demanding, already overwhelmed and anticipate the worst after birth.  She may begin to question her own capacity to care for the infant but not see others as a resource.  Some mothers think that the baby will provide them the love they never felt earlier in their lives.  In these situations the mother knows the fetus is a part of her but she struggles to hold on to their separateness. 

After birth the mother can experience a sense of loss, depression or an overall sense of being overwhelmed.   A mother with a history of unhealthy attachments may not exhibit the same biological drive to be present and attuned to her newborn.  She does not derive a sense of pleasure when interacting with the infant.  This lack of pleasure or stress is communicated nonverbally to the infant through facial expressions and tactile interactions.  The infant’s own pleasure centers are not activated and his/her stress responses are not soothed.  Associations to other humans are weak and unsatisfying.  In an attempt to survive, experiences their mother can tolerate are ruled in and actions that cause her to withdraw are ruled out.  These rules are the framework for relational templates that guide future social interactions.

If an infant has access to other caregivers (fathers, relatives, and community members), they can form more positive, rewarding associations that allow them to compensate for the unresponsive maternal figure.   In today’s society, however, many parents are separated from their families of origin and isolated from community resources.   It is only after a child has been abused or severely neglected that the larger community gets involved.  

 There is no greater investment a society can make than to invest in the well being of its children.  In order to protect children, we must first protect the women in our society.  By creating opportunities for women to express their genetic potential, protecting them from abuse, providing access to quality health care and creating a supportive community, we develop the foundation for growth facilitative environments for our children.  Dr Bruce Perry says “The best time to help a child is 100 years before they are born”.   We cannot afford to wait.  Our children are  watching.