DISCLOSURE: Why Won’t They Tell?

by Dr. Jerry Yager, PsyD

Director of Education & Training

Denver Children’s Advocacy Center

At six years old, Allyson was sexually abused by her cousin.  The perpetrator told her that she was being punished for being bad.  In seventh grade Allyson was caught having oral sex with her male friend. She was disciplined and made to come into treatment. While in therapy she disclosed that she had been abused as a little girl. The therapist had to inform the mother and the Department of Human Services. The first question the mother asked is, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

So many children who have been sexually abused don’t tell anyone and hold the “secret” in for many years.  As parents we would like to believe that if our child was being hurt they would tell someone immediately. Many children will not tell and even make up lies to hide the truth about their abuse for the following reasons:

• Communication:  They have not yet developed the language skills necessary to communicate the experience
• Trust:  They are afraid no one will believe them because that is what the perpetrator told them.
• Protection:  They are protecting someone they love, a parent or relative.
• Shame:  They feel ashamed and believe it was their fault
• Consequences:  They are afraid of the consequence for leaking the truth to themselves and their family.
• Fear:  The perpetrator threatened to hurt someone they love if they tell
• Avoidance:  They just want to forget and avoid any feelings or thoughts connected to the incident.
• Familiarity:  Sadly, they might not even identify what happen to them as abuse.

Unfortunately, the impact of holding this “secret” is as detrimental to the child’s developing sense of identity and social relationships as the actual traumatic event. The inability to share the experience fosters destructive cognitive distortions, creates distance in social relationships, damages the developing sense of self, creates anxiety about being exposed and changes the trajectory of a child’s overall development.

Giving children vaccinations doesn’t guarantee that children will not get sick, but it does decrease the risk and severity of the illness if they do get sick. As parents we can inoculate our children against the long term consequences of abuse. The belief that children know how to and are capable of protecting themselves is a recipe for disaster. The most important prevention is the presence of attentive, attuned, nurturing adults, along with the mindset that adults are responsible for providing protection to children.  As caring adults we must be attuned to a child’s verbal AND non-verbal communication when determining their sense of security and safety.

Here are some preventative suggestions on how to increase your child’s ability to effectively communicate their needs to adults:

• Educate your child about their own bodies, using the correct terminology, including the concept of “private parts”.
• Talk about the difference between “safe touch” and “unsafe touch” in language they understand.
• Explain to your child that the only persons who can touch him/her on their private parts are the parents and the doctors to keep them clean and healthy. No one else should be touching them on their private parts. This is an important safety rule.
• Teach your child to use their voice to say “no” when people are violating their boundaries, runaway and to tell an adult.
• If a child expresses their discomfort being hugged or kissed, even by relatives, respect them and validate that they have the right to say “no.”
• If your child does attempt to communicate that something has happened to make him or her feel uncomfortable, first manage your own reactions and then validate the child’s experience. Your goal is to create a safe relational connection that allows the child to share more of their experience.

 The message to our children must be:

“We are not afraid to talk about it and we want you to feel comfortable talking about it if you need to!”

The Denver Children's Advocacy Center (DCAC) has successfully implemented a bilingual, research-based prevention of child sexual abuse program since 2005 entitled Denver Safe from the Start.

DCAC’s “Denver Safe from the Start” program is based on the premise that sexual abuse is 100 % preventable if those responsible for the care of young children have the necessary knowledge and skills at their disposal.  This program works simultaneously on three levels to increase the safety of children:

• By teaching educators how to identify those children who appear to be at risk for sexual abuse and then how to take the appropriate action
• By teaching parents and adults involved in the child's life  to recognize the signs of the potential for abuse (or actual abuse) and how to take appropriate action
• By teaching young children (3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds) basic self-protective skills.

Denver Safe from the Start impacts a high number of children, families/caregivers and teachers in our community every year. In 2008, we served 351 children, 85 parents and 10 teachers. In 2009, we provided services to 338 children, 102 parents and 12 teachers. 2010 was a very successful year for our Denver Safe from the Start program as DCAC received funding from the Office of Justice and Juvenile Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) which allowed us to reach 897 children, 164 parents and 53 children.

If you'd like to obtain more information about Denver Safe from the Start, please contact Angela Davidson, Director of Prevention and Education Program at Angela.Davidson @denvercac.org or call 303-825-3850

OBESITY: A Threat to our Children’s Brain

Picture a group of Teenagers sitting in front of a computer or a video game snacking on chips and drinking soda.  While their brains are engaged in this highly visually stimulating activity their bodies are not burning sufficient calories to maintain their weight.  Soon their waist lines are expanding and their health is deteriorating.  Now, think of the young girl who allows herself to gain a large amount of weight to protect herself from men, as a reaction to her abuse.   Today, obesity among our youth is a major health problem.  The National Center for Chronic Disease and Health Prevention reports that obesity has more than tripled over the past 30 years.  The prevalence of obesity among children age’s 6-11years old increased from 6.5% in 1980 to 19.6% in 2008.  The prevalence of obesity for adolescents during that same period increased from 5.0% to 18.1%.  Decreased activity levels has been associated with decreased long term memory, reasoning, abstract thought, problem solving, attention, visual spatial abilities and reaction speed.  The question of how decreased exercise correlates with decreased cognitive functioning has been of interest to researchers the past several years.

John J.  Ratey, M.D.  , in his book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, highlights the connection between exercise and brain functioning related to learning.  Darwin described learning as a survival mechanism that allows us to adapt to a changing environment.   Our brains are made up of 100 billion neurons each with connections to hundreds of other neurons.  These neurons form networks that allow energy and information to flow.  It is this flow of energy and information that generates the functions of the human body.  The connections between neurons are called a synapse.   The neurons don’t actually touch but a narrow space or “gap” is established to allow chemicals to move from the end of one neuron to another.   To understand how the brain perceives, processes, encodes, stores, retrieves and acts upon environmental signals we have to understand how information is communicated within the brain. 

Sensory stimulation activates sensors in the body (eyes, ears, nose, and skin).   These sensors convert  stimuli into patterned electrical signals.  The electrical signals move down the cells outgoing structure called an axon.  The electrical signal reaches the end of this branch called the pre-synapse.  The pre-synapse is where neurotransmitters are stored.   The neurotransmitters will facilitate the transmission of the message across this gap to the receiving branches, dendrites, of the next neurons in the network.    The chemical messengers plug into receptors on the post-synapse and change the chemical balance and generates an electrical charge.  If the charge is large enough it triggers a signal in the next neuron and information is passed on. 

Learning requires a modification of the connection between neurons.  Eric Kandel, a Nobel prize winner for his work in neuroscience, discovered that repeated activation of a neural connection actually causes the synapses to swell and to become stronger.  This allows this network to fire more easily and results in long term memories.  The neurons ability to change in response to environmental stimuli is called “plasticity”.  This is how our life experiences actually get wired into our brain. 

In the 1990’s neuroscientist began to discover a group of proteins that didn’t transmit information but are used to build and maintain the health of the cells in a network.  This group of proteins (called “factors”) improves the efficiency of neurons, encourages their growth and protects them against deterioration.  Exercise increases the production of these chemical proteins and their ability to cross over a barrier into the brain to facilitate more efficient and effective information flow.  Exercise has been connected to improve functioning in the hippocampus, facilitating long term memory storage.  In addition, exercise influences the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, which mediates working memory, body and emotional regulation, response flexibility, empathy, fear regulation, and problem solving.   All of these functions are beneficial in helping individuals negotiate the complex social environment we currently must adapt to for our survival. 

A child or adolescent’s lack of physical exercise is not only results in weight gain but also deprives him or her of important biochemical processes necessary for social, academic and healthy functioning.  Parents and schools need to encourage aerobic exercise programs at least 30 minutes twice to three times per week.  Sensorimotor activities should be integrated into the classroom structures for those children that seem to require movement to improve attention and concentration.  These physical focused programs are even more important to children and adolescents who have suffered exposure to chronic stress related to abuse, neglect, and exposure to violence and are suffering from mental illness.  For some children, physical exercise is enrichment because they are involved in many extracurricular activities after school.  Many children are not willing or capable of participating in these activities.  The statistics are telling us all that our children are at greater risk and these programs are a necessity.  During these economically challenging times let us all think twice before we cut programs that will hurt our children and cost us much more in the long run.